Its spring! 🌼
Here in Melbourne, the weather is warming up and the days are starting to get longer. Buds are opening. Nature is waking up.
Astronomically speaking though, its not until after the vernal equinox (which is on 22nd Sept this year) when for the second time this year there is equal amount of daytime and nighttime, does the days start to get longer.
Potato, po-ta-to right? I’m sure you already feel the changing of seasons.
During the immediate years after the start of my own healing journey 10 years ago, I’ve hated having light talk about just the weather.
Given what I was experiencing, the light talk felt like such a waste of my energy. I was more interested in having deep conversations about life and how to do life.
It also showed how deep in the muck of my tumultuous emotions I was in… because there was no room for anything else.
If that time of my life had a season, I would call it Autumn.
The constructs I used to make sense of life were falling away. My beliefs, my values, what was important to me, what was motivating me were dropping one after the other like dead leaves.
Some would probably call it a “mid-life crisis” for lack of a better term or lack of understanding of what was happening.
What looks like a crisis to the human eye is actually the start of upshifting for the soul. The soul cries out “Hallelujah!”.
She’s waking up. She’s starting to question. She’s becoming curious. And most of all, though she may not know yet, she actually wants more. Her soul is yearning to grow.
And so the dead leaves all start to fall one after the other. It feels unsettling. It feels overwhelming. She doesn’t quite know what to do with herself because nothing makes sense anymore.
While her soul is calling out from the prison she’s been stuck in for years, so will her old personality scream more and pull her back to old habits. Yet, despite doing so, they don’t fill her up as they used to.
Eventually, Winter would come. Life comes to a standstill. She’s realised what’s happened. And she starts to take the journey towards acceptance.
In the dark days and the un-forgiving cold of the winter, she settles into the cave of her soul. She grieves.
When I entered the Winter season of my life, I disconnected from a lot of people. It felt like I had an internal sorting hat telling me who wouldn’t “serve” me at this time and who would.
Plus, I really didn’t have much energy to be social. I had one or two friends who could support me emotionally but not more. Not everyone could hold the space for what I was going through, nor could they understand.
I devoured plenty of self-help books and listened to plenty of audiobooks. I was eternally looking for reasons, for understanding, for a map that can guide me through my inner terrain.
And when I’ve had enough, I would plunge myself deep into my corporate work to get an emotional reprieve. Work had become my addiction of choice to stop the dam even for a bit.
What I learned by experience is that I can’t stop that emotional dam from flowing out. I could delay it but it will, by design, use its mighty force to move.
That release slowly happened over time, either in small buckets or in tidal waves. Its a gut-wrenching, heart-breaking emotional pain that comes from the depths of you-don’t-know-what.
You come face-to-face with the truth. And its only in accepting with humility and taking responsibility that what has been tearing you apart are the same ones that can bring you back together.
A tree in winter with no leaves looks like its dead. And yet as the weather warms, it stretches itself to make room for the buds that are yearning for the sun.
When the dead leaves have all fallen away, there is now room for the soul to come out. Like a bud thirsty for the sun’s warm rays, she yearns for life, love and connection.
And so she enters Spring.
Knowing what she knows now, she decides what goes and what stays. She realises she has to bring in new habits that will sustain her, not drain her.
Slowly, she emerges into the world. Like a toddler learning to walk, she falls down at times, dusts off her knees, and tries again.
She starts to form the life that she now wants. With newfound courage, she speaks what she now stands for, what she will and will not tolerate, and what her boundaries are.
She’s more discerning of who she spends her time with and what she spends it on, with the utmost value given to her body, mind, and heart. For only in doing so will she fully blossom and arrive into Summer and have the most wonderful time of her life.
Summer is when the soul flourishes. There is joy in her heart and a sense of being connected to both living and non-living.
She is unencumbered by any external event, no matter how much it may directly or indirectly affect her. Using what she grew in spring, she uses her practices to adjust, to adapt, to flow.
She knows she is more than anything life may throw at her.
SHE IS FREE.
How does your soul feel? Is she still back in the cave of winter or is she making her way out?
Sometimes, they don’t always coincide with the actual season.
Be kind to yourself.
It takes time and commitment to open up.
One step after another everyday is what brings the change you want.