Desire is my thirst for something more than what I’m experiencing right now. It’s like a faucet that drips water to my very dry lips, making me remember slowly what it feels like to be nourished.

There are times when shame comes like a drizzle of rain. There are times when shame comes like a tornado wiping every inch of personal growth I’ve made. There are times when shame is a never-ending storm varying in intensity day to day.

Sometimes, you just wish you could forget. Sometimes, you just wish you could drown the memories all night with alcohol. But no matter what you do, you simply can’t.

Grief won’t let you.

Being present does not have to be hard.

Too many times we make excuses for it instead of experiencing it for what it simply is. “I’m too busy.” “I’ve got lots of tasks on my plate.” “I have to plan my holiday.” “I have to attend to the kids.”

Dazed and with a bloody arm, I walked into the Emergency Room of a local hospital. I couldn’t believe I actually did it, and for the first time, I realised that I wanted to live.

And that is what started it all…

Anger and Disgust were in a heated conversation. Sadness and Fear looked very contracted. Shame was simply jumping from one conversation to another, telling everyone what he or she should be regretting.

Hot summers and bad typhoons passed
She walked the earth with head held high
Hiding the bruised heart inside her chest
No one shall come asunder or near

There I was at a very peaceful place specifically intended to help foster spiritual growth and in the middle of a forest with like-minded people, but the sounds of my personal unhealthy tendencies had become very loud and apparent.

We’ve ticked all the boxes of having a family and a career but we still do not feel fulfilled. There’s just something that is missing.